21 DecNo splash, no cash

Hand Held MassagerA groan was heard across the entire delivery bay. This time it wasn’t a groan of pleasure, but positive displeasure. The tinny female voice over the intercom broke the bad news.

“Due to circumstances beyond our control, the next ejaculation will be delayed until further notice.”

The hand held massagers had ground to a halt at the Sunnybrook Farm Sperm Bank, stopping the channeling of fresh ejaculate bound for the climate controlled sperm bank. The rows of men, seated with their Male Massager ejaculation machines over their throbbing members, were not happy.

“What the fish is going on?” barked one disgruntled man “Just starting to get somewhere on this infernal machine and everything grinds to a halt.”

“It’s not the first time” said another. “It happened last week.” Some men, with their Male Massager machines sitting forlornly in their laps, had decided to take matters into their own hands and finish the job. But seeing this was catching on across several rows in the concourse, nurses were despatched to warn them to stop at once.

“No one gets paid for anything that’s not collected” said one forbidding nurse, patrolling the rows. She cast a disapproving eye on any man that had decided not to delay matters a moment longer. “No splash, no cash, that’s the rules.”

This immediately had the desired effect. Men stopped what they were doing and wrapped themselves in their towelling dressing gowns, none of them making eye contact. While the hand held massagers were humming away they could lose themselves in their own little world, but with the machines lying idle, there was nothing to do but stare into space and think of what might have been. The tannoy erupted into life once more with the same monotonous female voice. “Due to circumstances beyond our control the next ejaculation will be delayed until further notice.”

“We know already” snapped one man, clearly piqued that he had been so cruelly denied his moment of glory.

Eventually the machines burst back into life, but many men had wilted with the delay. There were cries of “Nurse” across the entire concourse, as several latex gloved nurses had to coax life back into flaccid members. This was the only way they could get a raise, went the old joke.

Soon most men were back in the saddle with the machine racing towards a satisfactory conclusion. One or two groans of pleasure could be heard, but they were drowned out by an enmasse moan of profound dissatisfaction as the machines suddenly stopped again.

Tannoy on; “Due to circumstances beyond our control the next ejaculation will be delayed…”

And that’s as far as it got. Someone threw their Male Massager machine at the tannoy and climaxed messily all over it shouting “Delay this you halfwits!”

He didn’t get paid.

Visit www.malemassager.com.

21 DecTurning Japanese

Hand Held MassagerIf you thought Panasonic were only good for TV’s and DVD players, think again. The Panasonic Hand Held Massager EV2510K is a big hit with boys everywhere. Why? Because it has a powerful motor and a hard plastic roller head ideally suited to excite and stimulate the most exciting parts of a man’s body.

Of course it massages all parts of the body, but almost inevitably, the genital area is where the massager is going to gravitate towards. Because the massager employers a roller system it’s easy to use the massager unaided and roll it along your body. Or you can call your girlfriend in for a sensational rub down along your spine.

Not surprisingly, The EV2510K is attracting rave reviews:

‘Gals, if you want a plug-in massager that will please your husband or boy friend — the Panasonic EV2510K is the one! The Panasonic is more powerful than the Hitachi, and its hard plastic roller head is better suited to a man’s, um, contours. In addition, the Panasonic is quiet and causes no video interference, a selling point in case you augment your “massage” sessions with some video stimulation… Get an EV2510K, and you’ll have a most enjoyable year!’

‘This works like a champ! The roller helps it glide along your spine.
You can lie down and sitting using this baby. This is next besting to those expensive massage chair.’

‘Compared to all the other junk massagers on the market, this is a very good deal for the money. It actually works well and is quite diverse in its applications. You can lightly massage or press down and roll for a more aggressive and deeper massage.  If you’re looking for a good and affordable, but not extremely aggressive massager this is the baby.’

The Panasonic EV2510K also has a points massager for acupressure, and a special elbow-angled design to help you, unaided to access your lower, middle and upper back.

21 DecGoing Dutch

Hand Held MassagersThe Netherlands was recently voted as one of the top ten places in the world to live. One of the key strengths of the Dutch is innovation and entrepreneurship, in fact Dutch company Philips is undoubtedly one of the most innovative and entrepreneurial companies of all.

Philips brought to the world the Philishave shaver, the compact cassette tape, the compact disc, and more recently the Blu Ray Disc and the Senseo Coffee Maker, now introduces another innovation to make everyday life that little bit more pleasurable. You can’t listen to it, it definitely won’t give you a good shave, nor will it give you High Definition images of Harry Potter and His Endless Sequels, and if that isn’t enough to turn you on, then this certainly will. It’s Philips Dual Intimate Massagers.

If, thanks to all the stresses and strains of modern living, your love life has become flatter than the car battery of an abandoned vehicle, look upon the Philips Dual Intimate Massagers as the jump leads you need to get things sparked up and motoring again.

Created from a soft, sensual material, these massagers have four vibration modes. Uniquely, they are designed to be used by both men and women and are great for sensual foreplay. The vibratory powers of the massagers can be used to stimulate and arouse the sex organs and other erogenous zones you may not even have known about, creating powerful feelings of arousal prior to actually getting down to business.

Elegantly designed, durable, and made to exacting European standards, the hand held massagers are sculpted to slide and hug around the contours of the body so as to create continual highly erotic skin to skin contact.

Once charged, the massagers can be used wire free for up to an hour, cleaning is nice and easy, and they are designed to be used with massaging oils to enhance the whole experience.  More fun than a compact cassette and more refreshing than a quick brew, this could be one of the brightest ideas to roll of the Philips production line since the light bulb.